It has been way too long since I have updated. A lot of things had been going on (personal and work related), and it was hard for me to sometimes get on the computer to actually update. I would upload things here and there, but nothing that I really call an update. For all my watchers, commissioners, and visitors---I really do appreciate you being patient and sticking around for me. Things got really rough, and I went through some things that can be explained shortly. I really appreciate all of you supporting me and being there for me. And now, I will explain to you all what was happening to me:
My health was sort of compromised by my hiding my feelings. I went through a depression phase that I got into. My depression was a mix of everything. It was a tough time because I felt like that nobody heard what I had to say, I was distancing myself from my friends, missing social interactions, different things like that. I talked to my doctor, and she suggested for me to take it easy for a bit. So far, she didn't want me to go on an antidepressant yet because I wasn't at that stage yet. She felt mine was from me not talking about my feelings and keeping them bottled up. I explained to her how I felt about my parents, and she said that I needed to talk to them about how I felt since they were part of the problem. I sat down with my parents and talked to them about how controlling they are being, and I am not a child anymore. We went through some arguments, but we came to an understanding and I am moving out at the beginning of next year.
The second part of my depression came from me missing my grandfather. His birthday was recently, and I couldn't stop missing him. I don't think I ever can. I think what made it worse was that I realized that he wasn't there anymore to celebrate it, even if he couldn't understand that it was his birthday. It was just his presence that I missed. I missed his smile, his corny laugh, everything. I just miss him so much. I even asked my doctor about this because I noticed that I have been depressed over his death more often than my pattern (she also had him as a patient). She told me that this is the first death that I am experiencing since I have the comprehension to understand what death is. From me seeing him, actually more or less watching him die in front of me affected my perception of death and made me even worse. She also said since it was the first immediate family death that it makes it harder. For his birthday, I went to the grave and spread some of our local candy company's chocolate pretzels all over his grave. The dirt has settled, and the grass is slowly starting to make its way up.
Work has been an issue to with uploading things. We are going through some major changes at work, and I am actually busy at work instead of being dead. I was given more responsibilities to do, and they tend to take up more time in the morning when I normally drew. It is also beginning spring time, so work does get a little bit more busier than in the winter time when I had a lot of down time. My schedule changes almost weekly because either someone called off and I am called on my day off, or that I have to work more hours because we need the help. Sure, I am really exhausted when I come home from work---but at the end of the day---I can say that I have more money. Which brings me to this, I got my yearly review--and I got a raise. Money will be raking in more now.
Since Christmas, I have been obsessed with Netflix. When I am bored, you are most likely to catch me watching something on Netflix. I will even watch Netflix while I am drawing. I can't stop watching it! It is so addicting. Because of Netflix, I can blame my $100 shopping spree on getting my box season sets of a show that I was obsessed with long ago. It rekindled my love for it, and that show was One Tree Hill. It even rekindled my teenager self for crushing on a celeb *cough cough* Chad Michael Murray *cough cough*. It is bad that I even got a decal for my wall a saying and a sweater from the show, and bought music from the show? I think it might be---but I don't care. That show was my life when I was a teen, and I found out that there is a yearly convention for it. That might be in my future.
Over the course of the month and a half, I played some games to help me out with my depression. Of course, I am a little bit late to the game but better late than never. I got Resident Evil 7 and Horizon Zero Dawn. Let me tell you, I finished RE7 in like 2 days, and I am still working on HZD. I screamed several times playing RE7, but I will say that I do miss my other characters from the series. HZD, that is a beautiful game with so much open areas to venture to.
One last thing that has been going on is making my cosplay for Tekko. Yes, once again---it is con season! I have made a few decisions for my con season though. Tekko might be my only con that I go to, unless I can find another one that is on the cheaper side. Otakon is getting expensive, and with the con moving to DC---it is just too much for my friends and I to handle. So, Tekko it is this year. I have saved up a lot of money for it, so I can go on a little bit of a spree. This year, my cosplay is--------Himeno Awayuki from Pretear! Yes, I am bringing her back and revamping her. I will say, I think that I am liking this version that I am doing better than my last attempt at her. I am going balls to the wall with this one, since I did enter in the Craftsmanship Contest. I am doing something new and competing in the novice category. I want this cosplay to be the best that I can make it. It would be nice if I won something, but I want the take in and experience this new horizon.
As for commissions, well---I am in the process of redoing them. When I went through my depression phase, I ripped up some artwork because I was mad at myself. I thought that I was shitty and pretty much a piece of garbage. My depression got the best of me, and I went through an art block. I couldn't write anymore of Archangel's Destiny, I couldn't draw anything---nothing. Not a single drawing. I would crumble the paper up into a ball or rip it to shreds. I thought that my art wouldn't matter, and that I was pretty much a wannabe artist. I lost my self confidence, and pretty much almost gave up drawing for a while. After I talked to the doctor about my depression, she suggested that I would try doing something that I liked to get my mind off of things. I soon turned back to the drawing, and I started to draw again. It is going to take a few times to get back into the swing again, but I will be back to my normal self in no time soon.
So with all this being said, I will be uploading my new artwork in between making my cosplay---since the convention is next week. Once again, I appreciate all of you---watchers, visitors, and supporters for being there for me.